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  • Kristina Trott

How to stop being a people pleaser

Updated: Jul 17


“What are you glad you gave up?” asked the boy.

”Trying to please everyone”, said the horse. (The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy).


It’s hard to ignore what others think of us which is why we can be manipulated by media into buying or dressing according to current trends. Since Adam and Eve donned fig leaves, mankind has been obsessed with using clothing to hide their shortcomings and appear pleasing to others.


Unconsciously we are controlled by forces in what we purchase, but we are also controlled by the opinions of others in how we behave. To ensure we are living free from self-imposed limitations based on the opinions of others, we should go back to Proverbs 8 and examine what “God’s wisdom” is.


1. If you focus all your uncontrollable urges onto finding “God’s wisdom”, God will instruct you away from foolishness and perversity (vv1-11).


2. Searching for “God’s wisdom” has the bonus of giving you prudence and discretion (v12).


3. If you seek “God’s wisdom” alone, you will be loved by God and you will be blessed with “enduring riches and righteousness” (Prov. 8:17-18), life and favour from God (Prov. 8:34-36).


The key to being free of all slavery to what others think and slavery to foolish thinking (1 Cor. 1:18) is Jesus, God’s wisdom! Jesus is called, “Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18-25).


To know Jesus is to know wisdom. To follow Jesus is to fear the LORD, and this is the beginning and end of wisdom (Prov. 1:7). When we pursue Jesus, the Wisdom of God, then all the attractions of this world and all the feelings of needing to please others, will fade away. This is all summed up in this quote: “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the LORD, you are safe” (Prov. 29:25 GNT).

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